no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
