it wasn't lemon gatorade
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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