I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
