using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
