just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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