so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize