im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
this hospital has no fireball
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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