we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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