It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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