there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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