they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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