I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
