Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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