I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
