His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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