You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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