I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
