please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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