Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
