I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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