it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
