she smelled like a LAN party
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
