This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
