i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
