He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
