I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I believe in your delicious
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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