he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize