Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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