Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
