me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
