I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
