he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
