Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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