You smell like stripper and shame
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
