I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
