I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
