I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
