Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
