a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
