I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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