Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
