Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
