when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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