Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize