I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
