That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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