someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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