I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
