I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
