'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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