the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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