Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is Oprah even human
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
