Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
