Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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