im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
