Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
