I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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