the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
