Plan B is the new Plan A
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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