he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
