Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
