ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
