you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
