last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
