you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
