How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
